What Mel Gibson Needs:

He’s Racist.

He’s Anti-Semitic.

He’s Sexist.

He’s Mel Gibson.

And he’s in the middle of a nasty custody battle with his babymamma, Oksana Grigorieva, over their 8 month old daughter, Lucia. In case you’ve been too busy snorting coke, last week we heard he was rumored to have lit into her with a string of obscenities, fit for a cronie of Glenn Beck.

Here’s the newest tape, released today:

Vodpod videos no longer available.

Here’s the tape released over the weekend:

Here’s another.

Obviously this man savage has a couple of issues. What do you think this wildebeest needs in order to mellow out & join hands with the love train?

(Could somebody put some lotion on this n****’s knuckles?)

1. Hang Out With Dipset

No trip to Harlem is complete without eating at Sylvia’s, visiting The Apollo Theater, attending the Schomburg, and of course, hangin’ with the Dips.

See? Even Cam & Jimmy can hold hands so Juelz can jump rope.

Perhaps listening to a Hell Rell album could help Gibson’s understanding of the Black experience? Perhaps cutting an album would help channel some of that frustration lunacy?

2. Get A Lap Dance

Nothing says “I respect women” more than patronizing all the lovely services they have to offer. Gibson should pick his favorite (equal opportunity) topless bar and enjoy the ride.

Besides, you have to support anyone who “uses what they got to get what they want”.

3. Penny Pinch

Perhaps one of the Jewiest qualities around, Gibson better not squander his close-to-billion dollar fortune. He’s going to need every cent for the libel to defend him from the backlash these comments (and other) allegations will cause. The Blacks The Jews went after him before, and will see to it that Gibson (literally) pays.

Ari Emmanuel didn’t like this use of the n-word very much, and finally dropped Mel from the William Morris Agency.  Didn’t Emmanuel refuse Wesley Snipes a script because he said “Blacks don’t swim”? They don’t though, right?

4. Get Racially Profiled

Nothing says “we think [Insert 5-letter adjective here] don’t have nice things” “Negro” more than a routine traffic stop of a Black man in a nice semi-decent barely functioning car.

5. Enroll in Scared Straight Program

Well, I think that says all that needs to be said.

Being Mel Gibson is hard.  As a blue-eyed white male, no one truly understands his struggle.  The pressures of being an A list Hollywood actor, minimal financial woes (and by minimal I mean not having change for $10,000) how could we not see the world from his perspective? Shame on…everyone else who realized 1865 happened, the Civil Rights Movement occurred, and it’s f*ckin retarded to be racist, sexist and bigoted.

One thing is for sure.

Nobody was googling Mel Gibson like they were Taylor Lautner before this…

Love,

*Ms. Officer

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