Nation, it’s been exactly two weeks since I laid eyes the most beautiful actual man I HAVE EVAR SEEN. EVAR.
One of the most startling things about this encounter, was that it never really was.
Or was it?
Was Fuzzy Wuzzy Fuzzy?
I digress. I was waiting for the 2 at Church Avenue in Brooklyn,
when I looked to my right (actual view) & I immediately locked eyes [Insert comment about cliche here] with the only person I saw in that sh*ttily crowded station.
Sexy Mc Sex-Sex was 6’3-6’4, (Men that tall automatically make me want to have intercourse) late 20’s/(very) early 30’s, Not skinny, not fat, juuust right. Fit, blue eyes, perfectly toussled blonde hair.
He was accompanied by an older gentleman, small amounts of gray hair salted in between is mostly pepper strands. He somewhat looked like my dreamguy but not really, leading me to believe this was his uncle, or (more farfetched) his father. The man also had a pot belly. Not like a big pot, but like a little one you’d use to boil water. Or porridge.
The older man was holding a map of NYC. Which leads me to believe at least 1 of the two was visiting.
Let’s be clear: Church Ave. is nowhere near Downtown Brooklyn, Park Slope, Fort Greene, or any other
heavily gentrified tourist-y area. Instead, it’s like getting off at Port-Au-Prince. This gives me small hope that Mr. Flawless lives has some sort of business in the neighborhood.
Which leads me to my next point.
Craigslist is typically a place where people go to die, or at the very least, find out who (else) wants to touch their penis for the night. This all occurs anonymously, until, of course Cookies & Chris Hansen track you back. The Chester Child Molester site interface does not help the site’s cause or credibility.
You may think I’m being hard on the cyber savage breeding ground, but that’s only because I had a terrible experience with an apartment there a couple of years ago.
That said, it’s only natural I take to Craigslist to see if I’d snagged a “Missed Connection”.
Naturally this would present the following dichotomy:
A. Sh*t, this dude is a creep, because he knew about this torrid place and
[Aside: Might I digress that I found out about “Missed Connections” is a recent issue of Cosmo Magaizne. I hold a subscription]
B. OMG, he. Is. Like, SO THOUGHTFUL, HE WANTED ME BACK
After we reckless eyeballed each other recklessly on the platform, we did the same going onto the train. He came up right behind me, the older gentleman forcing his way ahead, but Sexy Mc Sex-Sex, hung back so I could board first. LIKE A LADY SHOULD. Here we looked directly into one another’s faces. I semi smiled. At least I think I did.
DEAR GOODNESS WHY DID I NOT SAY ANYTHING
I sit, they sit. Realizing I cannot continue my eyeballing, I pretend to need the subway map to reclaim my optimal view. In 15 minutes I got off, they stayed on. Heven’t seen ’em since.
For some reason I’ve tossed and turned all of this week over it, and have been checking that wretched site for a tiny sliver that I might redeem myself. Get that future argument where I yell at him for sneaking onions into my omlette. Or argue that LeBron’s hairline will be back before this NBA season.
I’d hoped “Missed Connections” could be my ticket to sexcellence, but, to no avail. At least not yet. I’ll consider this a personal ABP.
For some reason I’ve tossed and turned all of this week over it. So on the off chance that any of you will know who this is, MAKE HIM SEEN.
I look forward to our Jew-froed children.