Gifts


I was reminded that the Holiday season was upon a couple of weeks ago, thanks to:

1. A fat subway rider

2. An amazing young man

My iPod was knocked from my pocket by the former, and into the train tracks of the Southbound A train at Jay St. (Downtown Brooklyn) as I walked over to meet my mother.

A string of obscenities and 2 token booth clerk visits later, I was munching on half of a red velvet cupcake completely cross–I was more annoyed that I was wasting my mother’s time.  The clerk clicked her insanely long red & green nails & swiveled her neck, clearly annoyed that I’d asked for her help her to call someone who could actually help.

During the 45-minute wait for transit workers to come from 14th street– another A pulled up and I asked the conductor what I should do. He was really sweet, suggesting that had they still allowed people to kill themselves not changed the rules, he would’ve jumped down there & gotten it.  As I’m speaking, a teenage boy appeared next to me. The A scoots down the tunnel & he approaches.

“Did your iPod fall?”

“Yes” (I frown)

“The same thing happened to me last week. The workers said they’d take an hour to come from 14th street then.”

“What did you do?”

“I jumped down there & got it. I’ll get yours if you like”

(Mouth agape) “No! Omg noooo! The people are coming!”

(My mother) “Well, be careful. Nothing is coming”

Before I knew it the young Negro was in the tracks, iPod retrieved. All the while I’m scrambling on the platform. Squealing. Worst. Thirty. Eight. Seconds. Evar.

Back to safety, he smiled and handed it over, then returned to where he was sitting.

Beaming, I walked back over to him and thanked him even more. I offered him some money, but he politely refused. More than once. I  almost wept.

Barely 5 minutes later, flashlights illuminate the other end of the tunnel.  The transit workers have arrived.  I bound down the platform to call the search & rescue off.  One of them (older Spanish-y Italian-y man) walks  over  & asks me why. I hold up the Mp3 player & relay the story, after which he arrives at this conclusion:

“A man’ll do anything for a pretty woman.” He inched closer. I walked away.

With that said, we’ve had so much Black Friday, Cyber Monday, & Chinese Tuesday talk, I figured…

Why not provide you with a list of stuff I could actually use?

These are things I wouldn’t necessarily buy for myself, but would love as a gift.

In no particular order:

-A Jets Snuggie Pillow.

Not the actual Snuggie though, it might give me epilepsy.

I like the J-e-t-s a lot, and wouldn’t mind having a constant reminder of that on my bed.

-Flirty Girl Fitness.

For some reason I love sh*t like this.

-Hip Hop Abs

Obviously a fat cow, I need it.

-A Book

Not just any book, this book. I love coffee table litchrachure, and this is a perfect addition.

-Anything sold in any infomercial. Especially:

Easy Feet. Any one who has known me in the Summertime knows my feet collect obscene amounts of dirt because I fancy dragging them around in flip flops.  This will help me clean them, minus cracking my neck in the shower.

Not just anything from there, I want the entire thing. The franchise. It is my dream to one day at least own (a) Sephora. It has held the spot as my number 1 favorite store since I discovered it in Paris on my 13th birthday, before it made its E.E.U.U. debut.  Why is America so behind? This is one European import that doesn’t stink.

If you can’t buy the entire Sephora for me, this will do (sigh)

What’s on your wishlist?

Love,

*Ms. Officer

One Comment Add yours

  1. like you says:

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